WAITING FOR THE SNOW
Once upon a time in the Great White North there lived an amplified amphibian
named Phobos. Now Phobos had latent ambition, which surfaced one day, as he
grew tired of watching skaters through scratched-up ice. He decided that he
would head south where the frogs are red and the rain is warm. His desire
was to leave his Batrachian buddies lamenting on the side of an imponderable
edifice.
This amphibian, (his exact species is not pertinent to this fable,) was a
yodeling raconteur. His pipe dream was to hear his yodel echo off great mountains
through the valleys and go skipping across the Fjords. But alas, his dream
was thwarted by what seemed a glacier over his pond.
While his Batrachian buddies were slumbering in the frozen ooze Phobos incessantly
butted his forehead against the ice, valiantly attempting a dramatic exit.
Finally an errant cow stumbled unto the edge and left a window of opportunity.
Phobos seized the moment and escaped.
Having too small a thumb to hitchhike, Phobos hopped on the back of a south
bound flatbed truck. As the snow on the truck melted with each mile south
our dear little green one was reminded that he was getting far from his home.
Phobos happened upon a frog named Dominique. Dominique boasted, "There
is only one word to describe me — that is: LIBERTY — With one
part of the L pointing to the horizon and the other pointing to the zenith."
Phobos recalled what his philosophical mother had once muttered, "What
is better to have Liberty without Dignity or Dignity without Liberty? You
have to have both." She also said, "Pride is for lions, but what
is a lion without pride? — one lonely lion."
Dominique raved about a ski lodge where Saint Bernard dogs were trained for
their work on the mountains. These canines were handpicked to assist fallen
skiers in their sixty minutes of necessity. Phobos and Dominique studied diligently
with the dogs. They were told that someday there would be an avalanche of
fallen skiers awaiting their rescue.
Day after day they practiced drills, looked through charts of mountains and
memorized the many names of snow. Finally Phobos and Dominique were stationed
in the mountains. Sporadically a skier would happen to fall, but it seemed
they were catapulted majestically over the summit to give the dogs something
to do. Waiting for the avalanche was worse than waiting for the ice above
the pond to melt. After years of waiting for the snow of snows most of the
Saint Bernard dogs had bitten the biscuit. Only a few old ones remained faithful
to the task at hand.
Suddenly a host of skiers rained down from the sky and the amplified amphibian
was in his element, assisting with the repair and maintenance of various broken
appendages.
There is no moral to this story. It is not a good story. However one should
consider the ramifications of driven snow. Isn't the snow always old and flaky
just before the avalanche?
QUESTIONS FOR STUDY
1: Why is the amphibian referred to as being "amplified?"
a: He stuck his finger in a socket when he was young.
b: This is a story about electrical storms
c: Poetic Licentiousness
d: The protagonist wanted to be a rock star.
2: Why did the dogs bite the biscuit?
a: They didn't know any stupid dog tricks
b: This is a trick question
c: They were acting, as doggies are wont to do
e: They were sick and tired of waiting for an avalanche
3: Why wasn't the amphibians' exact species divulged?
a: Divulgence isn't pertinent to the plot
b: There is no plot so what difference does it make
c: The amphibian was from the Great White North
d: The author misplaced his guidebook to ascertaining the correct species
of frogs when colliding with a taxi cab while riding his bike on Yonge Street
Toronto and suddenly lost interest in "Froglore."
4: What was the country to the south?
a: United States
b: Nicaragua
c: Republic of Korea
d: It wasn't a country it was a state of mind
5: Why did the amphibian study the many names of snow?
a: To communicate with dissidents
b: To understand the nature of their own internal flakes
c: To add excitement to the story
d Because they were expecting it to rain frozen albino frogs
6: Why did the amphibians cry on the side of a mountain?
a: If they cried on top of the mountain they would less control over their
tears
b: They were afraid that Phobos would become a freeze-dried dog biscuit
c: They were doing stupid amphibian tricks
d: The protagonist owed them money, and left town quickly
7: How is it possible that the amphibian could look through charts of mountains?
a: The charts were drawn on cheap paper
b: He was talented at reading maps
c: He was looking for the plot and could see through the mountain
d: The story was originally written on a roll of Saran wrap, with a permanent
marker.
©1996 Stefan des Lauriers