OOZE BIN EATIN DA TOOTPASTE
My father was born in a town called field
And that's about the size of it
Way up in the French Canadian Shield
You should hear all the lies of it
He had a job taking a cow to pasture
And carrying water up a hill
One day the cow met a cow catcher
It just stood there stupid and still
He used to dive off the bridge through the logs
Once there were no holes anywhere
He had to swim three miles (must be a frog)
Before he could come up for air
He jumped off the roof with an umbrella
It inverted and down he slid
Waited for a rainy day (the clever fella)
Said "Hey ma, look what the wind did"
O the cruel winter wind like a knife did slice
The snowdrifts piled o"er your head
The water in a glass had frozen to ice
The morning thy found poor grandpa dead
O they couldn't dig a hole anywhere
So they stored him in a little brick shack
Grandma said "At least he'll be warmer there
Then he was in that house out back"
© 1971 Stefan des Lauriers